A COMMON CAT

I have a very common cat
Who will not sit upon the mat
But, with a condescending air,
Appropriates my favourite chair!
To my regret there is no trace
Of noble lineage in his face.
His coat, I fear, is frankly scruffy
Though as a kitten was quite fluffy.
The dog sneaks by in awe of him
While I attend his every whim.
He thinks I`m here to open doors.
The chairs just made to test his claws.
Why do I keep him? This I will share,
When I am sick or full of care
Onto my lap he`ll gently creep
Soft purring, sends my woes to sleep,
Till I am calm and quite at ease
Then he will leap down from my knees
And of he goes out through the door
The independant cat once more!
How I do love my common cat
Who will not sit upon the mat!

Mistaken Identity

My owner is REALLY short sighted,

He thought he’d bought a Bichon Frise,

Therefore he was hardly delighted

When I grew up way past his knees.

The worst problem of all was the collar,

He put it round my left front leg

And I didn’t quite come off top dollar

When he first tried to teach me to beg.

Really, my heart was not in it

So I pinned him down on the floor

But ‘twas only for one little minute

Till his girlfriend came through the door

She laughed so much she was crying

And I almost drowned in her tears

Till he, with much panting and sighing.

Hauled himself up by MY ears.

She laughed and laughed even harder

Because I climbed up on his lap

And she took refuge in the larder

Once all she could see was his cap!

But now he has bought new glasses

And we’re getting along really well.

We go to the dog training classes,

He’s learning quite fast, I can tell.

His progress has so pleased the teacher,

He gets lots of pats on the head.

I really think someone should teach HER

It’s the dog that gets patted, instead

We’ve come to a mutual agreement,

A man-dog Entente Cordiale,

I’ll not bite the vet during treatment

And he promises he’ll be my pal.

Now we have come through it all…together,

I know that he views me with pride.

There is nothing we cannot weather

So long as we walk side by side

But..

If the puppy for which you are dying

Is a dear little white Bichon Frise,

Make sure that the one you are buying

Doesn’t come from the far Pyrenees!

©Ann Shuttleworth

Rainbow's Glow

There are those that declare animals have no souls,
I fear they`ll discover they are scoring own goals.
For there IS a place where all animals go,
Once they are safe in the rainbow`s soft glow.
There are meadows and jungles, deserts and seas
Where all God`s creatures may roam as they please.
They can play in the sunshine or browse in the dusk
And in their Creator they place all their trust,
For He walks among them, caressing them all,
As we may do too, when we answer His call.
We WILL be reunited with beloved lost pets
For the love that we all shared He never forgets.
So we also may wander in the great rainbow`s span
Where the lion lies sleeping close beside the lamb.
Just one of the wonders we will find in that place,
For the rainbow exits-out of time-out of space.
But the peace that on this earth we can never know
Awaits ALL God`s creations in the great rainbow's glow

Ode To The Dentist

To the dentist you must bequeath

A few horrendous rotting teeth,

That scream in a triumphant blare

Of pain you really cannot bear.

You approach his door in trepidation

(Not one of the backbones of the nation!)

And if you could you’d turn to flee

But he’s greeting you with obvious glee.

Declares, no shadow of a doubt,

“There are at least 3 must come out!”

Now you’re imprisoned in the chair

With mouth agape and white with fear!

He rubs his hands-he’s ENJOYING this!

Next he’ll apply the devil’s kiss,

A needle jabbed into your gum

And there’s no place for you to run!

Oh God-you’ve died-gone straight to Hell!

Hundreds of dentist are there as well!

Then suddenly your heart stops racing

‘Cos-1-2-3-they’re in the basin!

“Rinse now” he says “ You will soon feel fine”

(You might if the water had turned to wine)

You thank him, stagger up, eager to go

And then he delivers the final blow

“Next appointment!”- you MIGHT be willing-

Until you discover you need a filling

©Ann Shuttleworth

DOG POEM

A dog does not care if we’re rich or we’re poor
If we sit on a throne or we sleep on a floor.
A dog is a dog and all dogs are his kin
The same as we humans are under our skin.
So it matters not, be a dog large or small
The love they bestow runs true to them all.
And the love we return them is truly repaid
In the shape of a trusting and loyal comrade.
The years that we share at work and at play,
The tears that we shed at the end of their day,
The bitter sweet memories, they are all part
Of the love for our dogs that we hold in our heart

KING PIG

The Pig went out for a walk one fine day

And met a small hedgehog along the way.

The Pig looked down through the ring in his nose,

A superior being from his head to his toes.

“G-good m-morning, Sir Pig” stammered hedgehog, in vain,

For the Pig just ignored him with lordly disdain

And continued his walk with his snout in the air,

While the poor little hedgehog shed a great tear.

Then up popped a field mouse his whiskers aquiver

“Some one should push that old Pig in the river!”

He squeaked as he hastened to comfort his friend

And glared at the Pig waddling off round the bend.

“Oh no” cried the hedgehog “ The Pig is the King”

“And I’m just a prickly uncomfortable thing!

I’ll pick him some primroses, bluebells and ferns

To humbly present to him when he returns”

“Oh dear” sighed the field mouse” That’s really the limit!

But I will wait with you if just for a minute”

So they waited and waited but the day was so fair

That soon they’d forgotten just why they were there!

They were joined by three rabbits, two moles and a lark

And had a great party until it grew dark.

Then when hedgehog went home to sleep snug in his bed

No thoughts of the Pig ever entered his head.

But---Pig never returned from his mid-morning walk

For, snout in the air, he did regally stalk

Into a shop that sold home made pork pies

And the pies they made later turned out KING SIZE!!

Dinosaur

Where did you come from, great ghost of the morning?

From the mist laden swamp land of history’s dawning?

Where you spawned in the slough and the festering weeds

Where the marsh gases bubbled in blistering beads?

Maybe the volcano took part in your birth

As it poured down it’s lava to fashion this earth,

Which gave you the colour of fire in your eye

And the full throated roar that echoed in the sky.

Did all flee before you- blind slaves to your will

As you opened your jaws to prepare for the kill.

Did you issue your challenge to those who might dare

Cross your path? Did they know to beware?

Did you fight tooth and claw to remain THE supreme

And were you the nightmare invading a dream.?

And how many eons did your lifetime span

Till hunter turned hunted with the coming of man?

DIET

I have an appetite almost insatiable,

Refusing nothing that’s placed on my table

But I fear I have overindulged myself

Which is not conducive to my good health

And obliged me to visit the veterinarian

Who advised a diet strictly vegetarian.

Brussel sprouts, I discovered are quite revolting

Involving a deal of abdominal bloating

And abrupt explosions of bodily gasses

From either end of my canine chassis.

So, if you will excuse me, I will depart

Into the garden and have a good .....burp!!!

Barking Mad

Sane dogs mad artist

A COMMON CAT

KING PIG